i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
