Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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