i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
