I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
