i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
