He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
