she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
