Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
