i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You are a genius and a whore.
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