ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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