Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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