areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
