Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
