What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this just has baby written all over it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
