She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
