People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
