spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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