Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
