why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
