I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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