i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
