The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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