i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
