Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
