Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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