So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
