haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
