JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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