ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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