I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
