FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
