I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
