I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
