He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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