You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
