If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
