i was rollin on her like bob the builder
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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