you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
