Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You left your phone here
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