I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
