No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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