You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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