So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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