so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
