forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
