Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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