he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
