all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
