My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
