What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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