On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
