I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
