But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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