i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
