Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
