I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
