I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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