Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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