That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
