my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
