i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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